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I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have been practicing for over 15 years. I am specialized in couples therapy and work with individuals as well. When I work with clients I teach them necessary skills to improve not only their relationships but themselves as well. My hope is for my clients to make changes that will make them healthier individuals which will then make their relationships healthier and happier. If you're interested in obtaining information, setting up an appointment, or learning more about my practice please visit my website at www.therapywithanita.com you can also go to my page on psychology today at http://Therapists.PsychologyToday.com/rms/79368

Friday, April 5, 2019

A healthy YOU is required for a healthy relationship

I believe that when we take care of ourselves, our relationships are better, healthier.  When I work with a couple I always do a level of individual work, making sure that they are being accountable for themselves, and making sure they are taking care of themselves, mentally, physically and emotionally.  

What does it mean to take care of yourself mentally, physically and emotionally? Mental is the way we process things and emotional is the way we express things and I believe physical speaks for itself. I look at all three as going together hand and hand.  If we take care of ourselves physically i.e., exercise, eat healthy, get enough sleep, spend time with friends, do something we enjoy, we are going to benefit mentally and emotionally.  Mental and emotional care should also consist of, decluttering our minds by writing or journaling, meditation, talking to someone in our support system, reading, or relaxing.  

Hoping you can see how they all intertwine and how it is important to give to yourself.  Listen to yourself and learn what you need and when you need it.  If we do this we can improve our happiness which will improve the happiness in our relationship(s).  

MY THOUGHT
Always put you first and care for you, if you don't, how do you expect to care or be good for anyone else?

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Anita's Quick Tip for Conflict Resolution

When you and your partner have a disagreement, stick to topic.  Couples often start with one issue and then branch out into many other issues.  This is not only overwhelming, but makes it very difficult to resolve anything.  This month, work on being aware of staying on one issue at a time!

My Thought:
Work together in this, and if one of you slips up, the other should give a gentle reminder of what you’re working on.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017



Embracing Our Differences:
As a couple, of course we are going to have differences.  We are different people from different places and different families.  Some differences may not change and may always be there.  Unfortunately, couples allow their differences to cause conflict or even end their relationship.

I am here to encourage you to stop fighting about your differences and instead learn how to embrace them. 

Firstly, I think it’s important for you to explore with yourself why those differences are such an issue for you.  The impact of that difference is most likely more about you than your partner.  Why is it affecting you?  Does it have to do with wanting to be right (my way is better)?  Wanting control?  What’s going on with you that it is creating such a reaction?  I always think it’s important to explore and question yourself, you may learn something new and helpful about you.  If you have difficulty doing this on your own, you should consider seeking therapy to help. 

Secondly, I then challenge you to open your heart and your mind and try to view your differences in a more positive and productive way. 

Differences Can:
~ Teach you a new way of doing something
~ Help you understand your partner better or in a new way
~ Introduce you to something you never experienced before
~ Be motivating
~ Produce self-growth
~ Open you up to a new way of thinking
~ Move you out of your comfort zone

After thinking of it in a more positive way, differences don’t feel so bad after all.  In fact, I see there can be a lot of good in differences.  I hope you can learn to do the same!

MY THOUGHT:
Different is just that…. Different.  It doesn’t make us either right or wrong, it just makes us different!

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

The Holiday Season


Now that we are fully emerged into the holiday season, I am hoping you are all finding some peace within the chaos that could surround this time of the year.  

My Holiday Wishes For You is that you nurture and love yourself.  Taking good care of you is healthy for you and will enable you to better care for others.  I hope that you show your partner that you love and care for them and that they are a priority and are important to you.  I wish for you happiness.  I hope that you keep negative thoughts away and replace them with positive thoughts.  I hope that you can find peace in places that do not feel so peaceful.  I hope that you can be grateful for what you have and not focus so much on what you don’t have.  And mostly I hope that you will always think of how you can be a better version of you, know your faults and listen to others with an open heart and an open mind!

MY THOUGHT:
Keep your eye on yourself.  Self-change creates more change than you know!

Happy Holiday’s

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Three techniques to improve communication

Often couples express not feeling heard by their partner.  What I find is most people are not truly listening and instead, while their partner is expressing how they feel, the other person is thinking of what they can say to defend themselves.  Therefore, responding to your partner with a defensive comment is not truly hearing your partner’s message.  Here is a helpful technique that can certainly change how you and your partner communicate and how you hear one another. 
Step One:  Mirroring is simply repeating back to your partner what they said to you.  So when your partner comes to you with a concern, you simply repeat back to them what they are saying.
**It is extremely important that you keep your messages short to one another so the other person can repeat it back**

For Example:
Person Expressing Concern:
“I feel hurt when you come home late and do not call me to let me know.” (Using an I statement)

Person Mirroring:
“So you feel hurt when I come home late and do not call you to let you know” and then ask, “Did I get that right?”

This does not necessarily mean that the person mirroring is in agreeance and they may want to say something in defense of themselves.  However, it is important to stay focused on the person expressing the concerns and repeat it back.  Otherwise, if you interrupt the process, then your partner will not truly feel heard, the conversation goes into other directions and it becomes bigger than it needs to be, anger builds, then you’re off track from the original concern, and ultimately ends in conflict.

The person mirroring should then ask “is there more to that?” and if there is then the person giving the concern will express it and you will again mirror back the message.  Once the message is complete the person receiving it will sum it up by saying, “Let me see if I got this….” and repeat it back to the person expressing the concern.  If you got it, move to step two. 

Step Two: Validate your partner’s concern.  Tell your partner what you can understand about their message.  So the person who received the message may say something like, “I can see what you’re saying…” or “that makes sense”

Step Three: After you have validated your partner’s feelings it is important to Empathize with their feelings (putting your feet in your partners shoes) saying, “I can imagine that you would…”

*Try to keep defenses down, and not take it personally and remember your partner is expressing how they feel so your job as the listener is to hear them, understand, validate and empathize. 

The point of this is to let your partner know you heard them, and to really hear them by not just hearing their voice and words, but understanding why they are feeling the way they do. 

My Thought:                                                                                              
I always say, once you understand something, than you can work on fixing or changing it.   

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Anita's Quick Tip: Positive Feedback

Positive Feedback:
Couples can tend to focus on what their partner is NOT doing or what they’re doing wrong in the relationship and overlook the good things their partner has been doing.  Are you more focused on the negatives?  Are you giving more negative feedback than positive?  Be honest, do you find that you are doing this?  Most couples do.  Therefore, it is really important for you to refocus and pay attention to the positive efforts your partner is making, or the considerate things they are doing for you and the relationship and acknowledge that.  You should be thanking each other for anything you can.  You should also often question yourself….. “When was the last time I acknowledged my partner in a positive, loving way?”

You and your partner should make it a habit to give each other an appreciation daily.  It can be about anything, not just something that was done in that day.  I tell couples to try to do this in the evening, as I feel it’s a great way to end the day!

My Thought:
Giving positive feedback to your partner will motivate and encourage positive behaviors to keep happening.  When we bring more positivity into our lives we feel happier and when we are happier issues are a lot easier to deal with!

I APPRECIATE you taking the time to read this!