I am a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist specialized in couples therapy. In my private practice I provide a safe place for clients to work through any struggles or challenges they may be facing. I provide my clients with the necessary tools and skills to make the transformations and changes that will improve the quality of their life and their relationships.
If you're interested in obtaining information, setting up an appointment, or learning more about my practice please visit my website at www.therapywithanita.com you can also go to my page on psychology today at
When you and your partner have a disagreement, stick
to topic.Couples often start with one
issue and then branch out into many other issues.This is not only overwhelming, but makes it
very difficult to resolve anything. This
month, work on being aware of staying on one issue at a time!
Work together in this, and if one of you slips up,
the other should give a gentle reminder of what you’re working on.
a couple, of course we are going to have differences.We are different people from different places
and different families.Some differences
may not change and may always be there.Unfortunately,
couples allow their differences to cause conflict or even end their
am here to encourage you to stop fighting about your differences and instead
learn how to embrace them.
I think it’s important for you to explore with yourself why those differences
are such an issue for you.The impact of
that difference is most likely more about you than your partner.Why is it affecting you?Does it have to do with wanting to be right (my
way is better)?Wanting control?What’s going on with you that it is creating
such a reaction?I always think it’s
important to explore and question yourself, you may learn something new and
helpful about you.If you have
difficulty doing this on your own, you should consider seeking therapy to
I then challenge you to open your heart and your mind and try to view your
differences in a more positive and productive way.
you a new way of doing something
you understand your partner better or in a new way
you to something you never experienced before
you up to a new way of thinking
you out of your comfort zone
thinking of it in a more positive way, differences don’t feel so bad after
all.In fact, I see there can be a lot
of good in differences.I hope you can
learn to do the same!
is just that…. Different.It doesn’t
make us either right or wrong, it just makes us different!
Now that we are fully emerged into the holiday
season, I am hoping you are all finding some peace within the chaos that could surround
this time of the year.
My Holiday Wishes For Youis that you nurture and love yourself.Taking good care of you is healthy for you
and will enable you to better care for others.I hope that you show your partner that you love and care for them and
that they are a priority and are important to you.I wish for you happiness. I hope that you keep negative thoughts away
and replace them with positive thoughts. I hope that you can find peace in places that
do not feel so peaceful.I hope that you
can be grateful for what you have and not focus so much on what you don’t have.And mostly I hope that you will always think
of how you can be a better version of you, know your faults and listen to others
with an open heart and an open mind!
your eye on yourself.Self-change
creates more change than you know!
Often couples express not feeling heard by their partner.What I find is most people are not truly
listening and instead, while their partner is expressing how they feel, the
other person is thinking of what they can say to defend themselves.Therefore, responding to your partner with a
defensive comment is not truly hearing your partner’s message.Here is a helpful technique that can
certainly change how you and your partner communicate and how you hear one
One:Mirroring is simply
repeating back to your partner what they said to you.So when your partner comes to you with a
concern, you simply repeat back to them what they are saying.
**It is extremely
important that you keep your messages short to one another so the other person
can repeat it back**
feel hurt when you come home late and do not call me to let me know.” (Using an
you feel hurt when I come home late and do not call you to let you know” and
then ask, “Did I get that right?”
does not necessarily mean that the person mirroring is in agreeance and they may
want to say something in defense of themselves.However, it is important to stay focused on the person expressing the
concerns and repeat it back.Otherwise,
if you interrupt the process, then your partner will not truly feel heard, the
conversation goes into other directions and it becomes bigger than it needs to
be, anger builds, then you’re off track from the original concern, and
ultimately ends in conflict.
person mirroring should then ask “is there more to that?” and if there is then
the person giving the concern will express it and you will again mirror back the
message.Once the message is complete
the person receiving it will sum it up by saying, “Let me see if I got this….” and
repeat it back to the person expressing the concern.If you got it, move to step two.
your partner’s concern.Tell
your partner what you can understand about their message.So the person who received the message may
say something like, “I can see what you’re saying…” or “that makes sense”
Three: After you have validated your partner’s feelings it is important to Empathize
with their feelings (putting your feet in your partners shoes) saying, “I can
imagine that you would…”
to keep defenses down, and not take it personally and remember your partner is
expressing how they feel so your job as the listener is to hear them,
understand, validate and empathize.
point of this is to let your partner know you heard them, and to really hear
them by not just hearing their voice and words, but understanding why they are
feeling the way they do.
always say, once you understand something, than you can work on fixing or
can tend to focus on what their partner is NOT
doing or what they’re doing wrong
in the relationship and overlook the good things their partner has been doing.Are you more focused on the negatives?Are you giving more negative feedback than
positive?Be honest, do you find that
you are doing this?Most couples
do.Therefore, it is really important
for you to refocus and pay attention to the positive efforts your partner is
making, or the considerate things they are doing for you and the relationship
and acknowledge that.You should be
thanking each other for anything you can.You should also often question yourself….. “When was the last time I
acknowledged my partner in a positive, loving way?”
You and your partner should make it a habit to give
each other an appreciation daily.It can
be about anything, not just something that was done in that day.I tell couples to try to do this in the
evening, as I feel it’s a great way to end the day!
positive feedback to your partner will motivate and encourage positive behaviors
to keep happening. When we bring more
positivity into our lives we feel happier and when we are happier issues are a
lot easier to deal with!