A Great Way to End The Year!

Though I do not make a New Year resolution because I believe any time is a good time to start something different and new, I do however like to reflect back on my year.  I like to think of things such as; what I accomplished, what kind of person I was, how I handled certain situations, adventures or risks I have taken and activities and donations I was involved with. Then I like to think about what I didn’t get to do and would still like to do, what I still want to work on about myself and what new adventures I’d like to take.  Then I like to reflect back on my relationship and how things have been through the year, what was good, what needs to be worked on and setting new goals.

 

I invite you and your partner to try this.  Reflect back on individual things first, just things about yourself that you liked and feel may still need to be worked on, etc.  Then both of you take a look back on the year in terms of your relationship and talk about it together.  Here are some good things to discuss;

-        What were some things you enjoyed doing together?

-        What was your most memorable time together of 2013?

-        What kind of partner do you think you were?

-        What are some new adventures you would like to embark on with your partner in 2014?

-        What improvements do you think you can make to better your relationship?

-        Make a new commitment {or more} to one another!

 

Another fun activity to do is create a memory jar or box.  The New Year is a perfect time to start! What you do is get a large mason jar or decorative box and each week (or you can do it more frequent) write on a little piece of paper a special memory from that day or week and leave it in the jar (don’t forget to write the date on it).  Do not read them until the end of the year.  On New Year’s Eve or Day you and your partner can read all the memories together, which will be a lot of fun and great way to reflect back.  You then can put all your pieces of paper in a scrap book in date order.  This is a great way to keep memories without having to journal everyday if that’s not your thing.  And of course you start filling the jar/box  again in the beginning of the New Year!!!!

Hope you enjoy these little special activities and hope you follow through as it is a great way to stay connected and spend time.

MY THOUGHT:
Have a Happy and Healthy New Year!!!!!

Tips to Improve Your Communication

As a couple’s therapist, I find that communication is one of the biggest issues between partners.  I notice that partners interrupt one another, THINK they know what their partner is talking about…but they really don’t, become defensive and unfortunately at times are speaking nasty to one another. 

Here are some helpful tips to improve your communication:

-Don’t interrupt.  I feel that when someone interrupts, they are definitely NOT hearing what the other person has to say.  When a person interrupts another, it leaves the interrupted person feeling like what they have to say is unimportant.  And ultimately, the interrupted person shuts down, gives up and says “what’s the point.”  Each partner should have a chance to express how they are feeling without being interrupted. 

-Make sure you understand what your partner is saying. I see this so often in sessions, where one partner tells the other how they are feeling and the other person just continues on about their own “stuff” and doesn’t even take a second to say, “What do you mean by that” or “Why do you feel that way.”  Make sure you understand what your partner means.  I always say if you don’t understand something, how do you fix it??

-Don’t yell. AHHHH screaming at one another….that just does NOT work.  When one person gets loud so does the other and before you know it you’re both in a screaming match….No one is listening and hearts are racing.  How in the world is this helpful….it’s not.  Talk to one another.  If you feel like voices are starting to get louder, or heart rates are increasing, take a break for at least 20 minutes.  This gives you time to calm down and collect your thoughts. Once calm and your heart rate is back to normal, you may continue your talk. 

-Don’t curse or say mean things to one another.  I feel that you can say what you need to say without cursing or insulting the other person.  What good does it do if you are calling your partner a nasty word? Does it fix the issue…NO.  All it does is exasperate the situation.  This is something as an individual you must work on, controlling your anger and what comes out of your mouth.  

MY THOUGHT:

Does this sound familiar to you? If so, think of what YOU can do on your own to improve your communication.

 

Love All Year Long

Let me start by saying I hope you all had a wonderful and loving Valentine’s Day!  After all, it’s that one time of year that you’re supposed to tell your partner just how much you love them.  But why wait for Valentine’s Day to show your partner just how much you care?  Why wait for this day to take the time to find a special gift or write out your feelings in a card… to go out of your way to show your partner just how much you love them?

 

Love is something that should be celebrated

every day and any time of the year!

You should always take the time for one another!  Take any ordinary day during any month, like a Wednesday night in March to play some music after dinner and share a dance or a Monday in April to plan a surprise candlelight dinner.  In May on a Thursday morning leave a love note for your partner before you leave for work.  Pick a random Friday in June and leave a CD on your partner’s seat in their car filled with their favorite music or download a song on their iPod without them knowing….that will be a wonderful surprise for them to discover.

My Thought

These little caring actions any time of the year, will lead to tremendous growth and happiness in your relationship!! 

 

 

Taking a Trip Down Memory Lane

Today I wanted to share a little tip to help strengthen your marriage.  It is shown that successful couples tend to “take trips down memory lane.”  These couples spend more time focusing on the good times then the bad.  Darren Wilk, a trained John Gottman Therapist, states “By reliving memories out loud to your partner, it actually changes your mindset, and how you view him/her and think about your relationship.”   

When you think of past happy and fun times doesn’t it put a smile on your face?  Doesn’t it remind you of why you’re with each other, how you can have a great time together and why you love one another?  I also think talking about these past memories builds conversation, laughter, and may remind you of something you’ve done that you haven’t in a while and maybe you’ll try it again.    

Here are two great ideas to try:

v  Make a commitment to have a monthly scrapbooking date...let's call it the "memory date."  This date will specifically focus on sitting together and going through pictures, talk about past times (dates, trips, weekends together, adventures) and work on your scrapbook.  This is great to always have to look back on and share with family, friends and children.  The best part of the memory date are all the benefits aside from making a great scrapbook; it is guaranteed time together, fun time together, a great activity, something to look forward to each month, keeps you in check of your relationship, and is just another way to make time for each other and give your relationship attention.
 

v  When and if you feel that your relationship needs a boost, this is a good time to talk about first dates, past fun times, adventures or trips.  And if you already have scrapbooks or photo albums complete, bring them out and look through them together.  

My Thought
Your relationship always needs attention so make sure you are giving it the attention it needs!  And remember when times feel tough, take that trip down memory lane……laugh and love each other and always strive to spend time together in different ways, making fun and happy memories that you will always have to look back on.