In previous posts I discussed how to speak to your partner by
using an “I” statement. In addition to
using this method of communication, it is firstly important how you deliver
your message.
Start by setting the stage
·
First make sure it is a good time for both of you to talk.
·
Make it clear that you want to ‘just talk’ about something, and
that your partner will have an opportunity to talk as well.
How to soften your message
·
Keep a gentle tone and moderate volume.
·
Keep the focus on your feelings, this is when an “I”
statement comes in handy.
·
Start off with a positive, i.e.,
“I appreciate that you…..” or “you’re wonderful at….”
Couples who can admit to their own faults and role in the issue
tend to have stronger relationships and can solve problems quicker and easier, i.e., “I know
that sometimes I can be difficult in this situation, and I appreciate that you.…”
Two very important things
you definitely DO NOT want to
do
·
Do not use words like, “you always” or “you never”
·
Do not use insulting words toward one another.
My Thought:
Remember that when you start off with a positive, the other person
most likely is NOT going to be defensive. You are complimenting them, therefore
you have their attention! Now your partner is not only likely to listen to what
you have to say, but will really hear your message.
