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I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have been practicing for over 16 years. I am specialized in couples therapy and work with individuals as well. When I work with clients I teach them necessary skills to improve not only their relationships but themselves as well. My hope is for my clients to make changes that will make them healthier individuals which will then make their relationships healthier and happier. If you're interested in obtaining information, setting up an appointment, or learning more about my practice please visit my website at www.therapywithanita.com you can also go to my page on psychology today at http://Therapists.PsychologyToday.com/rms/79368

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Changing you for the better of your relationship

I find that when a couple is arguing, or having a disagreement, most of the time it ends up about who is right and what one thinks the other should change.  The problem with focusing on being right, is it doesn’t always allow you to see what your fault is in the issue.  And the problem with wanting to change your partner is that you do not have the power or control to do that….and who’s to say that it’s your partner that only needs to change and not you? 

Therefore, it is very important for you and your relationship to own up to your own faults and flaws.  And so, a way of changing your relationship is also changing you! 
 
TRY THIS
Next time you are having an argument or feeling like your relationship is not where you want it to be, try to ask yourself some of these questions;
 
·       What was my role in that argument? 
·       What could I have done differently? 
·       What do I need to be more conscious of?
·       What are the things I need to be working on about myself?
·       Where do I want my relationship to be and how can I make some change to get it to that place?

Talk to your partner about what you both need to work on, not only as a couple, but as individuals.  It’s about listening to one another and being more conscious of your own actions.  Once you start to be more conscious of these things and work on your own “stuff,” when your partner notices these changes not only will they feel heard, but their attitude will be different now too.  Hence a change in the relationship!  So make sure you are putting your time and energy into changing something about you and not your partner. 

My Thought
Remember: You cannot change anyone but yourself and when you change you, the things around you will change too!