Part 2: Overcoming Holiday Stress – Coping with Holiday Blues

The season is filled with cheer, but unfortunately for many it's also filled with sadness.  The holidays can bring on various emotions (depression being the most common) and not for one specific cause.  There are numerous reasons people suffer from the holiday blues, such as fatigue from all the extra running and financial stress.  Perhaps one of the most difficult causes for sadness during the holiday season is the loss of a loved one.  
 

It’s never easy losing someone from your life and the holidays do not make it any easier.  Learning how to deal with your sadness in a more effective way, and learning how to celebrate your loved one will be extremely helpful.  So how do you do that?  Doing things such as creating a special tradition can help you cope with your loss.  Here are some suggestions to honor your loved one which may offer you support and comfort during these times.

·        A special ornament in their honor

·        Lighting a candle in their memory

·        Donate in the name of your loved one

·        Volunteering your time during the holiday (i.e., shelter or food pantry)

·        A special prayer before dinner

·        Taking some time to look at pictures and reflect back on your time together

·        Plant a tree or garden

·        Write a letter

·        Take some time to go around the room, giving everyone a chance to share a special memory

These types of special traditions can help you not only keep the person alive in your heart, but helps you cope with your loss in a way that is not avoiding, but instead allows you to express your feelings and feel good about your loved ones memory. 

My Thought

While the holiday alone can be exhausting, experiencing grief is emotionally draining.  Therefore, it is important that you take good care of yourself, and if you need to, reach out to a family member or friend for some support.

Join me next week for a Holiday message

Part 1: “OVERCOMING HOLIDAY STRESS”

T

hough it is a wonderful time of the year, it can also become very stressful. In addition to our usual everyday activities, we now have to prepare for the holidays which include extra running here and there, and more things to do. This of course brings on stress making us feel tired, unhappy and difficult to enjoy the season. So what can you do to make holiday preparation easier and more enjoyable? Here are three important ways to keep your stress at a minimum.

Firstly, a good way to get started is to organize yourself. Studies have shown that organization reduces levels of stress. Therefore, try making a list of things such as what you plan on cooking, presents or gift ideas, who you’re inviting, and/or who you want to send cards to. This makes it easier to remember what you need to do and have done already. Keep your list handy so if something else comes to mind you can write it down and get it out of your head.

Secondly, think about how often you aim for perfection during the holidays. How many of you search to find the “perfect” gift or are thinking of the “perfect” dinner to make. You may not think of perfection as stressful, but it is, in fact it creates stress. Nothing is perfect so we do we chase after it?  In a future post I will get into perfection a bit more, but for now just remember that looking for perfection is tiring because you will constantly be searching for it, and ultimately will never find it....because it doesn't exist.  And if this is your focus then you are also probably forgetting what the holidays are really about and probably not enjoying them to the fullest. So remind yourself and instead of getting caught up in things being perfect, strive for happiness and inner peace, it’s much easier to obtain and it’s more realistic.

Lastly, be conscious of your pace. Many times we are doing one thing and thinking of a million other things to do and can become overwhelmed. It’s important to focus on one thing at a time and keep yourself in the moment. Consider this, the more time and energy you spend on stressing and worrying about what still needs to be done, the less you will actually get done. Therefore, when you stay calm and focused, you get much more accomplished.

My Thought:

Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Constantly being on the run is neither helpful nor healthy. Take a break, take time to breath, and make time to sit and eat a healthy fulfilling meal!

Part 5: "Positively Happy"

For this last stop, we will be discussing my favorite topic, which just so happens to be fitting for the Thanksgiving holiday….Gratitude and Appreciation

Definition

Appreciation: Thankful recognition

Gratitude: The quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful

Something to think about:

Do you appreciate yourself and the things that you have? How often do you thank or express your appreciation to your partner, not only when something nice is done, just in general? How often do you show others, family and friends, that you appreciate them and/or the things that they do? 

How does this fit into positivity and happiness?

It is so important for us to show our appreciation to others, especially the loved ones in our lives. But, before you can express your appreciation to others you need to be feeling good about yourself and your own life. It’s difficult to be happy for others if you are not happy with yourself. An effective way to help you move from a negative place to a more happy and positive frame of mind is to note to yourself the things you are grateful for. A wonderful way to help you do this is…………

The Gratitude Exercise:

Get yourself a journal, which will be your “gratitude journal”. At the end of your day, write down three things that went well during the day, ask yourself “why did this good thing happen.” Do this on a daily basis. Studies show that after a week of doing this exercise, participants had an increase in happiness and a decrease in depression.  

For Couples:

Here’s a great way to end the day; every night each of you state one thing you appreciate about the other!  

Now, go back to the top of this post, read those questions again. What do you think?

This will end our series of Positivity and Happiness….but this does not mean it is the last time I will be discussing it!!

My Thought:

This Thanksgiving, go around the dinner table and each of you
share what you are thankful for!

In the meantime, Keep Smiling and Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

PART 4: “Positively Happy”

Our next stop on the road to ‘Positivity and Happiness’ is ACCEPTANCE

Something to Think About:

How much of an accepting person are you? Do you get angry if someone is not doing or handling something the way you would? Do you try to change the differences in your partner or others so they match yours?

In your relationship…

It is important to learn to let go of the idea of being right and wrong, it doesn't solve the problem.   Instead it leaves you both feeling defensive, while trying to convince your partner why you are RIGHT and they are wrong.  Therefore, learning to ACCEPT the other for who they are and not who we EXPECT them to be, and ACCEPTING that you may both have a difference in opinions and/or how you do things…..and that’s okay. Then learning to work together to solve the issue, so you BOTH walk away feeling good and satisfied.

Learning to accept others for who they are does not mean that you have to agree or are agreeing with them. Instead acceptance allows us to live peacefully with one another and our differences, without getting mad about it. Acceptance also does NOT mean that you should stop encouraging your partner to change habits that can help them as an individual (i.e., quit smoking) or that would help the relationship (i.e., speaking in a nicer tone), Nor does it mean accepting dangerous situations such as abuse.

If you can do this, not only will you have a healthier relationship, but you will feel happier as an individual and as a couple.

Okay, now go back to the top of this post and think of those questions….so how accepting do you think you are? And remember as the serenity prayer says…..

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; and the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.......”

My Thought:

Stop expecting others to act in the same ways that you do, otherwise you are setting yourself up for anger and disappointment…(negative emotions). Instead, let those negative emotions go and in a positive light.... try to be more accepting. It is another way of staying open minded, open hearted, happy, and understanding.

ADDENDUM TO PART 3 "POSITIVELY HAPPY"

 

I just wanted to ADD something that I found I didn't make clear in my last post about forgiveness.

As I said, when you forgive it does not mean that you will forget what happened......... NOR does it mean you have to continue to have a relationship with that person.

The important thing is that you have forgiven, you have learned to let it go, you're moving forward and that is what you will benefit from emotionally, mentally and physically.

PART 3: "Positively Happy"

Hoping you all had a GREAT week and hopefully you had a chance to perform some selfless acts.  If you have, how did it feel?  I hope that you continue to practice this in your everyday life. 

Something to think about:

Have you ever hurt someone? Did you want that person to forgive you?  If that person could not forgive you, how were you left feeling? How important was it for you to be forgiven? 

As we continue with our journey to positivity and happiness, there are many stops along the way to get to that goal.  The first stop I will be discussing is FORGIVENESS.........not so easy to do, and I feel that we probably have all hurt and have been hurt at some point in our lives.  SO why is it so difficult for us to let go and forgive??

What happens when someone hurts us?  We may feel angry, revengeful, resentful, bitter, disappointed, and a loss of trust.

What do we do when we feel this way?  (When we don't forgive) we may hold onto it, let it fester inside of us, affect us emotionally and physically, try to find revenge and hurt the other person worse.  

Why is it that some people can forgive and some can't?  Some people may have grown up in families that taught how to forgive and some may never have learned how to.  Some people may have too much pride and feel like they are giving in if they forgive, or feel like they are letting the other person get away with something, and some people may be afraid to forgive because they are scared to trust again and get hurt....again. 

So when we don't forgive, we hold onto those negative emotions, especially....anger.  Anger is what I like to call the shield.  We use it to hide behind, to protect us.  But underneath that anger is PAIN and HURT. I think it is important to learn how to let that hurt go so you can heal yourself and bring yourself into a better place. 

Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that you forget the action.  But forgiving is a way to learn how to let go of those negative emotions, and move on, because holding onto those negative emotions will truly bring you down.  It will not only effect your mood and your life, but your relationships and will make you sick.....not only mentally, but physically sick!  There are so many benefits to forgiveness, some are;

- Improved physical health and improved mental health

- Lower risk of depression and anxiety

- Improved relationships

- Increases our levels of happiness and positivity

- Increased ability to cope

- Lower probability of Alcohol and Drug use

How do we let go?

Remember the questions in the beginning of this post......well, how can we ask to be forgiven, if we don't forgive??  If we want to be forgiven for things, we should then learn how to also forgive.  

Ok so how do we do that?  Not an easy task and again takes time and practice.  One thing you can try on your own is writing a letter to that person, the more detail you put into that letter the better.  Don't mail the letter and don't give it to that person.  Write it, let all your emotions out, read it to yourself, see how you feel and what you may have learned about yourself, and let it go, burn it or shred it.  Studies have shown that when you write about a hurtful or traumatic event, the better the recovery from it. 

Remember the benefits of letting go and forgiving, remember that you want to be forgiven too, ASK YOURSELF:  Is it helpful to hold onto this pain?  Is it making my life easier?  How is it affecting my mood?  How is it affecting future relationships?  Is it helping me, or hindering me?  If it is difficult for you to do this on your own, therapy is a good way to explore and understand why you are feeling this way and how to let it go. 

My Thought:

It may be easier to be angry than to forgive.......

but the benefits of forgiveness are much Greater! 

PART 2: "Positively Happy"

I'm hoping throughout the week you were thinking of my last blog post, taking notice of your level of positivity.  I hope you had some insight into just how positive you may or may not be. 

Here are some benefits of being in a more positive frame of mind.

Studies have shown that increasing optimism and happiness;
- Reduces risk of cancer
- Reduces stress and other physical ailments
- Increases our ability to cope with stressful issues 
- Increases our life span
- Reduces high blood pressure
- Decrease symptoms of depression
- Improves our performance at our jobs and in our careers
- Improves our relationships
- Improves our confidence
......and much more!

This week: Think of something selfless that you can do, whether it is donating clothing, giving a little extra in a tip, starting the car for your spouse on a cold morning, volunteering, or just being courteous by smiling or holding a door for a stranger.  See how you feel afterwards.   Try to make this part of your weekly routine, do it as often as you can.

***Please note that change does not happen overnight, it's a process that takes time, patience and practice.  You will find greater results if you are committed to practicing and being aware of the changes you want on a DAILY BASIS.  

Over the next few weeks

I will be discussing topics such as forgiveness, acceptance, appreciation and gratitude, which I feel are some of the stepping stones to building a more positive frame of mind. 

I will also continue to share techniques to increase positive thinking.

My Thought:

The more optimistic you are the more options you have, doors open and hope stays in place.  Pessimistic thoughts close doors, giving less or no option(s) and hopefulness is nonexistent