A lot of couples feel lonely in their relationship. This is confusing for some because they are living in the same house together, but yet still feel lonely. This is usually because of a lack of Emotional Attunement.
Emotional Attunement is understanding and engaging with your partners emotional state. This creates a deep connection. The lack of Emotional Attunement often leaves a couple feeling lonely, resentful, and ultimately unloved.
A good place to start when working on building Emotional Attunement is with yourself. When I work with couples, I always do a level of individual work. I have them focus on themselves more than their partner. Some of my reasons for this is that; we can't change or fix our partner, I like for each to be accountable for themselves and I believe it's crucial and helpful in a relationship for you to have an understanding of yourself and your feelings and be able to express them. Once you have a better understanding of yourself, you increase your emotional intelligence making it easier to be understanding of others. This is very important to create a healthy dynamic in the couple system.
How to work on Emotional Attunement;
- Work on a better understanding of yourself by examining your thoughts and feelings and not stuffing, or avoiding them. Instead, don't avoid the trigger and let it happen, let yourself feel the emotion, and work on how to cope.
- Meditate. Learn how to be in a moment, one thing at a time.
- Ask your partner open ended questions so there is more depth to your conversations.
- When you are conversing with your partner, look at each other in the eyes, and don't be engaging in anything else in that moment.
- I always tell couples, "give simple messages to one another." Long messages lose your partner, is overwhelming and are more difficult to respond to because usually it turns into being about more than one topic.
- Be kind to one another.
- Listen with an open heart and an open mind.
- Take your time to express your feelings to your partner.
- When your partner is expressing their feelings to you, listen actively.
- Don't take things personally because it's not about you.
- Seek therapy
I hope this is helpful and something you can work on practicing.
MY THOUGHT:
A healthier you is a healthier relationship!
