A Look at You.....

Last post was a challenge to pick one thing about yourself your partner has requested you to change and secretly work on changing it…..which brings me to this week’s post.  Often in our relationships when a conflict arises we tend to see and focus on what the other person did “wrong” and seldom look at ourselves and what our role is in the issue we may be facing.  

It’s difficult to look at your own flaws and admit that you may need to work on some of your own “stuff”, but it is not impossible to change this about yourself.  

How do you do this?

·        Be honest with yourself - The first step in changing something about you is noticing it and admitting to yourself that there is something about you that needs to change and that you WANT to change it to improve yourself and your life. 

·       Listening to your partner.  This can be very insightful, as your partner may be pointing something out to you that you may not even realize you are doing.

·        Know that you are not perfect, all knowing, or right all the time and that THIS IS OKAY!  If you feel like you always need to be right or strive for perfection, then you should try to understand where this is coming from for you. If you cannot find out on your own then seek therapy to work it out. 

·        Ask yourself, ‘Is it helpful to be this way?’ 

·        Put yourself in the other persons shoes…..how would you feel?

·        Take little steps towards your change. 

For example: If you want to lose weight, you may say “I need to exercise more”.  This is a pretty general statement and you are not really setting any kind of parameters for how you will work on losing the weight.  Say it in a way that has more detail and structure to help keep you on track and insure that you will follow through, such as, “I will exercise for 30 minutes 5 times a day”.   An example for in your relationship would be: If your partner is telling you that you are not caring enough and you want to be more caring, make a mental note of this and structure it for yourself in small steps towards your change, such as saying, “I will do one caring thing for my partner once a week and keep a journal of my progress”.

What are the benefits of being honest with yourself?

·        Less pressure of always needing to be right and trying to prove why you are right.

·        Improved communication.

·        Improved relationship.

·        Improved self-esteem.

·        Increased in empathy for others.

·        Easier to deal with conflict and issues.

My Thought:

You can only change yourself and when you do the things around you will change too!