A compromise is basically the two
of you discussing a problem, each of your ideas about the problem, and then coming
to a solution that is going to work for the both of you. This means you may not walk away with
100% of what you want or it being completely your way….and that’s okay. Compromise does not mean that you have
surrendered or that you have to agree with your partner. Whether you agree with your partner or not,
you should consider their point of view and at least try to understand where
they are coming from and why they are feeling the way they are.
An effective way to compromise is
to speak to each other in a calm manner, soften your tone as discussed in part
2B. Listen to what your partner has to
say with an open heart and keep an open mind.
Look to see if you have anything in common in your views….and remember
without compromise you will not be able to solve your marital problems, so this
is important to know.
Here is an exercise from Dr. John
Gottman’s book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” that he uses to
help couples come to a compromise. Decide
on what problem the two of you want to solve, sit separately and do the
following:
“On a piece of paper, draw two
circles - a smaller one inside a larger one.
In the inner circle make a list of the aspects of the problem you can’t
give in on. In the outer circle list all
of the aspects of the problem you can compromise on.”
The purpose of Dr. Gottman’s
circle exercise is to teach couples how to solve issues in a more systematic
way. He suggests you think of the
following questions when you share your circles with one another.
·
What
do we agree about?
·
What
are our common feelings or the most important feelings here?
·
What
common goals can we have here?
·
How
can we understand this situation, this issue?
·
How
do we think these goals should be accomplished?
My Thought
If you can understand and respect each other, then you will be able to compromise and you will have a healthy - successful marriage!
